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This could be great for some, Really bad for others 1/19/2005
A company is hosting a party for all its employees, and a
man asks his wife to accompany him to the event. His wife
graciously declines, bacuse she is not feelig well, but
says, "you go on honey, and have good time".
So the man procedes to the party by himself. While at the
party he has a few drinks, and starts to get a little friendly
with a secratary. Responding to his advances the ...
1 Comments, 93 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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10 bucks 1/17/2005
Kirk was walking down the street when he was accosted by
a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man
who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
Kirk took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with
it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago, " the
homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead ...
0 Comments, 102 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Lying Bastard 1/17/2005
A police officer pulls a motorist over for speeding. Whilst
he is writing out the ticket he decides to check the car for
roadworthiness.
<br>
The motorist doesn't object to this but as the policeman
walks to the car he says "Hey, officer, I wouldn't
look in the trunk if I were you".
<br>
"Why not", replies the policeman
<br>
"Well" says the motorist, "I've ...
0 Comments, 138 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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The Ducks 1/17/2005
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night in a hotel
room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
<br>
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said "No" Daisy told Donald
that they could not have sex if he didn't have a condom.
<br>
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk, " she
suggested.
<br>
So Donald ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Fairies 1/16/2005
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating
their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little
restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their
table and said, "For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being faithful to each other for all this
time, I will grant you each a wish." "Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling ...
1 Comments, 202 Views,
25 Votes
,4.13 Score
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Cool things about being a man: 1/16/2005
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting
laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices
your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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mother of six 1/14/2005
This married couple have their 6th after about 2 years
the pround father tells his wife that he's gonna start
callin her mother of 6. One night while at a get together
the husband looks at his wife and says "ready to go
mother of 6" and she replies by saying yes father of
4.
1 Comments, 135 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Diet Plan 1/14/2005
A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very
serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would
ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED
WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed. Yeah right!"
he thought to himself.
<br>
But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10
pound weight loss program. The next day there's a knock ...
2 Comments, 207 Views,
22 Votes
,5.29 Score
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OH NO you didn't just say that 1/13/2005
Scenerio:: You are in a club with friends dancing, laughing
and having a good time. You feel a tap on your shoulder you
turn around, and hear "baby if you were a mcdonalds
hamburber you'd be the Mc gorgeous"
A. should you laugh
B. Cry
C. Turn and run
D all of the above
<br>
Weve all heard em maybe even used them some good some bad
some just down right sad. Heres a few of ...
1 Comments, 108 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Bottle Of Wine 1/13/2005
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting
at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting
at a nearby table all alone.
<br>
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive
bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that, if she
accepts it, she is his.
<br>
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the
woman, ...
1 Comments, 180 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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How To Speak Nortakotan !!!!! 1/12/2005
How To Speak Nortakotan
<br>
I think my accent - what there is of it - comes from where I
was brought up, not so much my ancestry, which is Norwegian,
Czech, and German. People who live in North Dakota and Minnesota,
especially those who hail from the Northern regions of
these states, have a special way of talking.
<br>
I've decided that it's probably from ...
1 Comments, 151 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score
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Sexual Positions. 1/12/2005
A woman went to the doctor and complained that she was suffering
from knee pains.
<br>
"Do you indulge in any activity that puts a lot of pressure
on your knees?" asked the doctor.
<br>
"Every night, my husband and I have sex on the floor
doggy style."
<br>
"I see, " said the doctor.
<br>
"You know, there are plenty of other sexual ...
1 Comments, 93 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score
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The Fisherman 1/12/2005
Saturday morning a fisherman gets up early, dresses quietly,
gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog
and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and
head down to his favorite fishing area.
<br>
Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like
a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain,
and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Firm this up 1/12/2005
This guy decides he's going to play a little joke on
his wife one day. As she steps out of the shower, he grabs
one of her breasts and says, "If you firmed these up
a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your bra."
He laughs and laughs.
<br>
The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her
shower and grabs her ass and says "If you firmed this
up a bit, you wouldn't ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Birthday Sex 1/12/2005
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I
don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she
has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything
she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you
make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great
sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."
Adam decided to take his ...
1 Comments, 97 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Caribbean vacation 1/12/2005
An English lady goes on vacation to the Caribbean wishing
her husband had been able to join her. Upon arriving, she
meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making
she asks him, "What is your name?"
<br>
"I can't tell you" the black man says. Every
night they meet and every night she asks him again what his
name is and he always responds the same, he can not tell ...
1 Comments, 107 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? 1/11/2005
Here's a prime example offered by an English professor
from the University of Phoenix:
<br>
<br>
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the
tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
of a short story. You will e-mail your ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Bra Sizes 1/11/2005
Ever wonder why they use ABCDEF to define bra sizes?
<br>
<br>
A - Absent
<br>
<br>
B - Barely visable
<br>
<br>
C - Come in useful
<br>
<br>
D - Damn good
<br>
<br>
E - Enormus
<br>
<br>
F - Fantastic
<br>
<br>
FF - F@@king fake
1 Comments, 205 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
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Dear John Letter 1/11/2005
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a
"Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back
home. It read as follows:
<br>
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated
on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's
not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the
picture of me ...
0 Comments, 219 Views,
15 Votes
,6.81 Score
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Billy Bob 1/10/2005
One day Billy Bob goes to town wearing nothing but his gun
belt and boots.
<br>
The sheriff spots him and asks, "What the hell are
you doing walking around town dressed like that?"
<br>
B.B. replies, "Well sheriff, it's a long story.
Me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin'.
Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the
barn we ...
0 Comments, 144 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
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Female drivers 1/9/2005
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady
forty miles per hour.
<br>
The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks
across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
<br>
"Darling, " he says. "I know we've
been married for twenty years, but want a divorce."
<br>
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but
slowly increases ...
2 Comments, 262 Views,
16 Votes
,3.86 Score
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The Sex Fairy 1/8/2005
Who couldn't use some love 
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
The Sex Fairy
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
This is hilarious! Be sure to read the warning at the bottom.
I didn't change a word! I'm not messing with the
Sex Fairy!
<br>
<br>
<br>
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. ...
1 Comments, 223 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score
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BJ anyone...... 1/7/2005
Two prostitutes are standing on a corner, one
says "Tonight is gonna be a good night, I can smell
dick in the air". The other replies, "Sorry,
I just burped"
0 Comments, 420 Views,
29 Votes
,3.84 Score
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Fun things to do in an elevator 1/7/2005
In an elevator...
<br>
When there's only one other person in the elevator,
tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't
you.
<br>
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
<br>
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push
the wrong ones.
<br>
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches ...
0 Comments, 322 Views,
32 Votes
,5.87 Score
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Don't ya hate it when.... 1/7/2005
People point at their wrist while asking for the time. 'I
know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours?'
Do you point at your crotch when you ask where the toilet
is?
<br>
People say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and
eat it too." Piss off. What good is a goddamn cake if
you can't eat it?
<br>
People say, "It's always in the last place you'd
look." ...
0 Comments, 265 Views,
34 Votes
,5.40 Score
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Always remember.... 1/7/2005
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper that's the
time to do it.
<br>
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
<br>
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't
getting any.
<br>
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
<br>
Always remember you're unique, just like ...
1 Comments, 587 Views,
51 Votes
,4.81 Score
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What would you do with yours? 1/7/2005
During a recent survey, women were asked...
>
>"What would you do if you woke up and had a penis?"
>
>Here are their actual responses...
>
>"I would walk around and prod my husband all night
>long with it, whatever he is doing I'll be there
prodding
>him with it."
>
>"I would write my name in the snow."
>
>"I would go into ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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The Hormone Hostage 1/7/2005
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and
he takes his very life into his own hands!
<br>
<br>
<br>
This is a handy guide that should be as common as
<br>
a driver's license in the wallet of
<br>
every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.
<br>
DANGEROUS: ...
1 Comments, 87 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
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One More Beer 1/6/2005
A guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough
so not to piss his wife off for drinking after work. He gets
home and finds his boss in bed with his wife. He heads back
to the bar and tells the bartender the story.
<br>
"Wow, that's awful, what did you do?" "Well,
I carefully snuck back out the door and hi-tailed it back
here, shoot, they we're just getting started so ...
0 Comments, 217 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score
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A couple of doozies 1/6/2005
Okay, I'm not putting these jokes here expecting a
high score or anything. In fact, they're so bad that
I expect a really low score. I just want one more legitimate
article, so that I can get the max. # of pts. available for
writing articles. So, here goes.
<br>
A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "Hey, everyone,
the highballs are on me!"
<br>
A polar bear ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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