|
While grocery shopping... 11/16/2005
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde
who waves at him and says hello. He's rather taken aback,
because he can't place where he knows her from.
<br>
So he says "do you know me?".
<br>
To which she replies "I think you're the father
of one of my ."
<br>
He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
and says, "My God, are you the ...
0 Comments, 194 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
|
|
Thank God for booze 11/16/2005
A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps
it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another
shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket.
He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the
sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and
starts to walk out.
<br>
Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to ...
0 Comments, 234 Views,
10 Votes
,2.59 Score
|
|
the differences 11/16/2005
A boy asks his father to explain the differences among
irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
<br>
Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random.
When the phone is answered he asks, "Can I speak to
Mike, please?"
<br>
"No! There's no one called Mike here."
The person hangs up.
<br>
"That's irritation, " says Dad.
<br>
He picks up the phone ...
1 Comments, 148 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
|
|
Visit to the Doctor 11/14/2005
A man goes to see his Doctor.
"What can I do for you?" says the Doc
Without further ado, the guy pulls out his dick, waves it
in the Docs' face and says "Can you check this
for me?"
A few minutes later the Doc finishes his examination of
the guys tool and says "There's nothing wrong
with that"
"I know" says the guy "it's a beaut
aint it?"
0 Comments, 150 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
moans 11/12/2005
How do you make a hormone?
Ram it in her hard!
0 Comments, 99 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score
|
|
the perfect day 11/12/2005
The Perfect Day - Her
<br>
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice
she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his ...
1 Comments, 111 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
gay guy joke 11/12/2005
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality
from his parents, went over to their house, and found his
mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
<br>
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said,
"Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."
<br>
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy
was about to repeat it to make ...
1 Comments, 273 Views,
9 Votes
,5.56 Score
|
|
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton... 11/11/2005
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees
game. Before the game began a secret service man came up
to him and whispered in his ear.
Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out
on the field.
<br>
The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr.
President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw
out the first pitch."
0 Comments, 164 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score
|
|
travel industry 11/8/2005
These are supposedly true stories. However I have seen
them in different shapes and sizes so I wonder how true they
are.. They are still very good though.
<br>
<br>
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat
on the airplane
so
that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the
window.
<br>
I got a call from a Candidate's Staffer, who ...
0 Comments, 191 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
|
Wife 1.0 Upgrade 11/7/2005
Wife 1.0 Upgrade
<br>
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon
noticed that the new program began unexpected processing
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition,
Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such
as PokerNight 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting ...
2 Comments, 260 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
|
|
Penis Pay Raise 11/7/2005
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
<br>
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
...
0 Comments, 176 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
|
|
How To Pleas A Women 11/7/2005
How to make a woman happy
It's not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only
needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
...
1 Comments, 231 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
If I Knew 11/7/2005
IF I KNEW
<br>
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
<br>
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
<br>
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd ...
1 Comments, 133 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
A , a chicken and a Harley 11/6/2005
On the farm lived a chicken and a , both of whom loved
to play together. One day the two were playing, when the
fell into a bog and began to sink.
<br>
Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken
to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to
the farm.
<br>
Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer,
but to no avail, for he had ...
1 Comments, 305 Views,
17 Votes
,5.67 Score
|
|
Granny's Wish 11/2/2005
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening
rounds.
<br>
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little
old ladies sitting in a used car.!
<br>
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in
the car. Were they trying to steal it?
<br>
"Heavens no, we bought it."
<br>
"Then why don't you drive it away."
<br> ...
0 Comments, 292 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
|
|
student teacher love 10/30/2005
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old
students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked,
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor
lately?"
<br>
"I'm in love, " the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
<br>
"But Johnny, " she said gently, "don't
you see how silly ...
2 Comments, 536 Views,
23 Votes
,4.76 Score
|
|
banta singh 10/29/2005
Once a beautiful lady from England had come to India and
commented that Indian’s are not manly and cant fuck even
ten times continuously.
<br>
Indians accepted a challenge of fucking that lady continuously
hundred times and if they did so….the lady will have to depart
away all her wealth…if otherwise, the man will become her
servant lifelong.
<br>
...
1 Comments, 219 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
lawyer and the tiger 10/19/2005
The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers
are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear
suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt
of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey,
cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and
they continue on their way.
<br>
After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly
repeats his action. The ...
0 Comments, 160 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
The Real Man Test 10/17/2005
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the
Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token
of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small
but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of
curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean
energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over ...
0 Comments, 188 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
A lady walks into the drugstore... 10/16/2005
A lady walks into the drugs store, and asked the pharmacist
for a prescription for cyanide.
The pharmacist tells her he couldn't possibly filled
that order it's against the law.The lady looks at him,
and explains its for her no good cheatin husband. The pharmacists
says to her, "Lady..if I give you the cyanide, I could
go to prison."
She reaches into her purse, pulls out a picture of ...
1 Comments, 405 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
|
|
Incentive to stay 10/14/2005
This is a story about a popular young Rabbi, who on Sabbath
Eve announces to his congregation that he will not renew
his contract. He explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No
one wants him to leave.
<br>
Sol Epstein, who owns several car
dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims :"If
the Rabbi stays, I will provide ...
2 Comments, 239 Views,
16 Votes
,6.07 Score
|
|
The Blonde Attacks Math 10/10/2005
Why was the blonde beating her mathematics book with a baseball
bat?
Her teacher told her to take a crack at it.
0 Comments, 216 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
|
|
Its a jungle out there! 10/8/2005
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard
walks past, looks up, and says to the monkey "Hey,
what're you doing?
<br>
The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up
and have some." So the lizard climbs up the tree, sits
next to the monkey, and they smoke a few joints.
<br>
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry'
and he's going to the river to get ...
0 Comments, 226 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
|
|
OOPS!!! 10/6/2005
Fred goes to the supermarket and, while there, notices
a very pretty blonde waving at him and saying hello. He is
rather taken aback because he can't place where he
should know her from.
<br>
So, he says, "Do you know me?"
<br>
To which she replies, "I think you are the father of
one of my ."
<br>
Now he thinks back to the only time he has been unfaithful
and ...
2 Comments, 308 Views,
16 Votes
,6.51 Score
|
|
english man irsh man+scots man 10/5/2005
an englishman a irshman and a scotsman are all stood at the
top a mountian when a fairy appeares and grants them each
one wish all they have to dois jump on the slide the fairy
has just put there and as they go down they`ll land in what
ever they shout as they slide the englishman get up goea
down the slide and shouts
ggggoooollllldddddd.......
and he lands in big pot of gold hes very ...
1 Comments, 219 Views,
5 Votes
|
|
jewish tech 10/4/2005
Jewish Air-Conditioning
<br>
It was a sweltering August day when the Cohen brothers entered
the posh
Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker,
"Mr. Ford, " announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three.
<br>
"We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize
the automobile industry." <br>
Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
The Horth Whithperer 10/4/2005
A guy calls his buddy the rancher and says he's
sending a friend over to look at a . His buddy asks,
"How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech
impediment." <br>
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's
looking for a male or female .
<br>
A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith
lookin horth. Can
I thee her ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Cant fool 10/4/2005
Mom & Dad decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday
afternoon quickie with their 8 year old in the apartment
was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell
him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
<br>
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation:
<br>
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot"
he shouted.
...
1 Comments, 368 Views,
12 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
Smart little boy 10/3/2005
The teacher called on Johnny to solve the next question.
"There are 3 ducks sitting on a fence", she said,
"and the farmer comes out and shoots one of them. How
many are still on the fence?.
<br>
Johnny thinks a second and says "none".
The Teacher asked him how he figured that. "Well,
he said, when the farmer shot the first duck, the noise scared
the other 2 and they flew ...
1 Comments, 335 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE- Pfizer Corp Announcement - 10/3/2005
Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available
in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power
beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a
man to
literally pour himself a stiff one.
<br>
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it
gives new
meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs"
and just a ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
|
